Saturday, 2 February 2013

How To Cook A Hindi Serial

A recipe for a successful Hindi serial.


A large family. 
An opulent house.
A tall, brooding lead actor.
An I-can-get-freakishly-chirpy lead actress.
Heaps of jewellery.
Truckloads of designer outfits. And truckloads of make-up. (On second thoughts, you may have to buy a few trucks first.)

-First, create the large family by mixing together the following ingredients in careful proportions.
- A domineering mother:  A Hitler-esque  lady whose word is law.  And one whose glare can send chills down every spine in the house. Especially the meek husband’s.
- A meek and submissive father:  A timid, small man trailing his Hitler wife like a doting puppy. Preferably someone who’s the owner of a large group of industries and is rolling in money but does not go to work a single day.
- Some random uncles and aunts cropping up for a few scenes and spouting a few meaningless dialogues.
- A villain: Preferably one of the wives of the aforementioned random uncles. A scheming and manipulative lady whose main occupation is eavesdropping on conversations and hatching hare-brained schemes for no particular reason at all. (Warning: Extra make-up required).
- The blue-eyed, tall and brooding son. Someone who is poised to take over the reins of the workplace from his father one day, without getting any education of any sort.
- A single servant who can handle every facet of house-keeping. Preferably with names like Ramu or Sarla.

-Then, create the castle-like, gigantic house. The house should have no less than 30 rooms with a separate room for every Tom, Dick and Harry. The door should be so huge that it requires a fleet of manpower to open it.

-After the large family and the house are ready, introduce the irritatingly-over-the-top chirpy heroine with her two irritating friends( who are less pretty than her, obviously) and give her an irritatingly perfect life.

- Make the boy fall in love with the girl.

- Rustle up some problems.

- Concoct a happy ending anyhow.

Now, you may think the recipe/serial ends here, but you’re wrong. Make sure everything has perfectly fallen into place before proceeding to the next step.

- Fast forward twenty years and start all over again.

- Repeat the same process a million times. Throw in a few dashes of amnesia, court cases, divorces, remarriages and illegitimate kids for some extra spice.

VOILA. Your Hindi serial’s ready! Doesn’t it look lovely?
Please do try it and tell me how it turned out. :)